Eroscillator 2 Plus

Review: Eroscillator 2 Plus

The Eroscillator is mind blowing. The Eroscillator is life changing. The Eroscillator is revolutionary. You need to listen to Piph’s advice and get this shit if you have a clitoris. Seriously. This is the best thing in existence, and your clitoris will forever thank you for this.

I know it might be a bit hard to swallow when I’m telling you to splurge $140 on something so… I can’t even find words to describe it. But I’ve been there. I mean…I was willing to spend $170 on this shitty toy and get myself depressed when I knew about the Eroscillator.

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exotic-erotics phoenix

Review: Exotic-Erotics Phoenix Small

It took me two months to finally decide to shove the Phoenix inside of me. Not because the 2” bulb was traumatising. Well, ok, maybe a little bit. But it was mainly because I’ve learned that my body was able to orgasm through penetration only. Since that day, I’ve been craving for…actually more addicted to smooth, non-textured, thrustable dicks. And the Phoenix looked like a big mood-killer with those two huge bulbs sticking out on the shaft. It looked no where even near thrustable, and so I just left it there, sitting at the corner of my desk.

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picobong moka review

Review: Picobong Moka

Picobong Moka spiked my curiosity when I first saw it. My mind was immediately like: “OMG! A VIBRATING LELO ELLA?! Deal! It’s mine!” But when I noticed that it required two AAA batteries to operate, my brain shoved the Moka out of my memory, and I carried on with my life. I mean… There’s no way that a toy requiring AAA battery was going to be powerful or rumbly or even feel good, right?

But I was wrong.

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Jopen Comet Wand

Review: Jopen Comet Wand

It took me eight months, eight freaking months to conquer the Comet Wand. My vagina is finally becoming a boss, but damn did it take a lot of crying, bruised vagina, and courage.

It was somewhere in August 2013 when the Comet Wand entered Sextopia. Back then, the Comet Wand and I just didn’t click. I hated it: I hated how it made my body felt, I hated how it made me scared, and I hated how it made my body react. If I had published my review back then, I would have trashed the Comet Wand.

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doxy massager

Review: Doxy Massager

I changed Doxy Massager Wand’s name to Doxy the Clown. I can’t help it. It keeps fooling me – from the moment it was born to the moment I received it, and until the moment I started using it. But our relationship isn’t pure hatred either. It’s more complicated than that.

First, Doxy Massager has been marketed as THE world’s MOST powerful wand massager. Is it true? Well, if your opinion is only based on the number of Rotations Per Minute (RPM), which, on the highest speed, is approximately 9000 RPM, then I guess this is quite true. However, you’re a fool if you base your opinion on that. The Doxy is indeed strong. So strong, in fact, that it becomes way too painful to use on the last couple vibration speeds. The amount of buzziness in that bulb feels like it’s going to rip the skin of my clitoral hood apart any seconds. So is it strong?

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shibari halo wand

Review: Shibari Halo Wand

Three minutes.

That’s how long Shibari Halo Wand took to make me orgasm.

Three tiny little minutes.

If you’ve been sticking with me for long enough, you’d know that it takes me bazillion of years to just have one freaking orgasm. Three minutes is a world record for me.

And I’m surprised a wand was able to make me orgasm like this. I mean, my first wand, which I bought, was shitty as hell. It broke my heart, brought me to depression, and it made me lose all hope and interest for wands. That’s why I stopped them from entering Sextopia – I was just not into wands anymore.

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vixen spur

Review: Vixen Spur

When the Vixen Spur first showed up in my office with those big watery eyes, and stood there in the middle of my desk, I freaked out. I was never a fan of skin-toned dicks, and looking at the Spur gave me chills down my spine. It looked like a small chopped off ball-less dick, and I felt a bit creeped out by it.

Of course, my feelings for the Spur have changed since then. Greatly. If I had to update my Bumbook[ref]an alternative of Facebook in Sextopia[/ref] relationship status with the Vixen Spur, it would have went from “Massively complicated” to “Massively in love”.

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