Life of a Sheltered Child: Ignorance & Misconception – A Scary Combination

Trigger Warning: Contains information about sexual harassment & sexual assault which may be triggering to survivor. *For the purpose of this post, I’m using gender specific terms as those were the terms used when I was taught about these misconceptions. 

It is scary, now that I look back at all the things I was told as I was growing up.

As a little baby, our minds and thoughts get filled with stories, information, experiences of all sorts that fill the white pages of our mind. Then education comes in, and help us fill the gap between the information we learned by connecting new dots and breaking the dots leading to misconceptions. But when it comes to sexuality, where is the education that help break the path leading to misconceptions?

Misconception stains our mind. Even the most magical erasers can’t completely erase it. They have been carved. Deep. I wish it was as easy as pressing the delete key, but no.

For me, these stains trapped me from walking further in my life. It sealed my voice and forbid me to be who I could have been.

  • Rape is only when a stranger forces you into having intercourse with them and threatens to kill you if you don’t.
  • Sex is a drug that you should not touch.
  • Women are born to please men.
  • A man will not love a woman that has been “broken” by another man prior to marriage.
  • If a man needs you and loves you, pleasuring him when he wants it should be your priority.
  • A man will stop loving you if you stop providing him with sexual pleasure.
  • Saying no is a sign of disrespect.

These were my stains from the age of 6 to 20.  These were the things I was being told and taught during my childhood.

There are more. Many more. But these were the ones that bruised me the most.

It made me accept rape for what it is and it made me remain indifferent about it even after experiencing it. Why? Because ignorance. Because I thought the person had to be a stranger to be called rape.

But who taught me otherwise? I was only a child…

It was only after learning the real definition of rape, which is:

At ANY point, during any act in which your body is violated or utilized for someone else’s sexual gratification — be it via genital or oral penetration, or more ambiguous acts such as being made to feel another’s body against your wishes, et cetera — if you have made clear, even as simply as saying no once or pushing the other person away, even as simply as NOT actively participating and NOT saying yes, that you do not wish to be sexually engaged or used, and have been forced, through physical force, coercion or threat to do otherwise, you have been raped, sexually assaulted or abused. – Definition from Scarleteen.

that I’ve came to the realization that I’ve been raped more than countless times. Orally, vaginally and anally. All by people that I’ve treasured dearly, and people that I once considered friends. I always thought it was just a thing men would do to me because they “loved” me, but I never thought that what these people were doing was actually violating my body. Well, they never threatened to kill me, so how would I have known.

I remember I used to feel bad about myself when I tried to force out a little “no” out of me. They loved me, and provided me with all the care, and all I could give them back was a “no”.

I was taught that it was disrespectful to not provide it, especially when a man that loved me so dearly needed it. So how dare I say no? And these men, they didn’t hesitate to remind me of my disobedience. Then, all I was able to do was close my eyes, and silently let my tears run down my cheeks. I had to accept whatever was going to happen to me. I couldn’t fight back or hit them, because they loved me, and because I loved them.

I felt disgusted, dirty, and extremely in pain. Sometimes even confused. This is not what I wanted, but in my mind then, there was nothing I could have done to stop it from happening.

If only I wasn’t that ignorant back then. If only someone told me otherwise. Maybe I could have walked a different path. Maybe things could have been different. Maybe I would have loved myself or my body more. But that’s all the past now.

I’m writing this post not to talk about the experiences I’ve had – I’m not ready for that yet – but I’m hinting out glimpses of events because I want you to see how dangerous this combination of ignorance and misconception can be, especially for children that are being secretly taught these misconceptions.

The worst is that these children can disguise themselves so well. The mask they put on their face is to perfection. I know it, because I created one.

This community has helped me get over this past, create new path, and connect new dots to what sexuality really is. This community has helped me dim the stains in my mind and carve new images out of the ones that polluted my mind.

But it took me a long time to realize this deadly combination.

And you, that is out there, still living in ignorance and pain, I want to tell you that it is ok to beignorant, but don’t shut yourself up. Gather up your courage and seek out for information. When you start feeling that something isn’t right, it probably isn’t. Trust yourself, and believe in yourself. Believe that what you are feeling is real.

And…I don’t know if it’s even possible to spot a mask on a child’s face,  but if by some miracles you do, please break those misconceptions.

Misconception and ignorance carves a deep hole, and the longer it takes to realize this, the harder it is to dig out of the hole.life of a shelthered child ignorance and misconception

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  • http://forsplooshssake.com Lena Charon

    Reenie, I’m sorry you had to go through these horrors. It took a lot of courage for you to post this and I’m very glad you did. I can relate in many ways. I was raised believing many lies about sex and/or how women are expected to act both in and out of the bedroom. In fact, I was recalling some of these falsehoods today and wondering how different my life (not just sex life) could have been had I not had to first unlearn all I had been taught about being a good woman before moving on to learn the truth. I’ve dealt with those same feelings of disgust with myself and feeling dirty..even guilty for things done to me. I didn’t understand consent, I didn’t understand my rights. I had no idea. By sharing your story you’re making it possible for someone else to question the ideals they were brought up with and not to allow anyone to mistreat them. Thank you for this. -Lena Xx

  • FormerFan

    This is preposterous. Essentially redefining any consensual sex between a man and woman as rape even if the woman doesn’t say no and goes along with it. Heres a reality check, not everyone is as so weak mentally as you if you just go along with whatever people tell you to do. The issue isn’t social justice bullshit, the issue is with your inability to stand up for yourself and what you believe. You’re mentally weak and instead of sitting their bitching on a dildo review blog you should be working either with a therapist or by yourself to raise your self esteem.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3_ty5jKkX0

    No where am I saying rape is okay nor am I supporting crimes against any individual including women. On top of the reality that women have equal rights in the eyes of our great creator and in the eyes of the govt (See Bill of Rights and Constitution of the USA if your an American). If you have to read a bunch of Leftist dribble to “realize” you were raped, you weren’t raped.

    Don’t tell me Im some kind of sick male rapist or some ridiculous assumptions when you don’t know me. I have a mother, I have a sister. I do not hate women. Please do not grasp at straws.

    I used to think this blog was okay but I am not going to go with your brain washing and let you try and condition me. This stuff is only meant to divide and conquer people. Its the new race war, its a tactic that has been used over and over to rip people off and keep the peasants fighting. Besides, this is a dildo blog, and I don’t care about your rape fallacies that you’re buying into.

    Eventually you’ll end up with a hug box of people who think the same as you because you pushed everyone else away. If thats what you want, thats what you will ultimately get.

    • http://www.naughtyreenie.com/ Reenie

      Hm, I totally agree with the things you are saying, but at the same time, you might have maybe scanned through the post a little bit too fast?

      I did say no. Every single time. And every single time I said no, I felt guilty, because every time I uttered “no”, I was told that they loved me, and that I should provide it.

      Yes, I am weak, and this is essentially the purpose of this post. I’m telling people to not be ignorant. To take their own well-being at hands. To stand up for themselves. Because like I said, misconception and ignorance is a scary combination.

      Anyhow, it is funny how you are telling me not to make assumptions when I haven’t even said a single word. You should listen to your own advice sometimes.

      Lastly, thank you for taking the time to express your view on this issue.

      • Rayne Millaray

        You’re not weak. Stop saying that because it’s not true. The reality is, through no fault of your own, you were ignorant, and now you realize that, and you’re taking the steps necessary to educate yourself. That’s not weakness, love. That’s amazing, awe inspiring strength.

        Love this post. Love you. Thank you for having the strength to post this.

        • http://www.naughtyreenie.com/ Reenie

          Thanks @raynemillaray:disqus and @davidshorb:disqus for these encouraging words. it’s hard to see myself as “strong” when I often hear people say “Why don’t you just punch them if they are raping you?” or “It’s so easy to defend yourself, push them away, or kick them in between their legs. They won’t be able to do anything to you after” when I hear them discussing about this topic. Thinking back, it’s true I could have hit them, I think… But not once did I find the courage to do it. Not once did I push them as hard as I possibly can. All I did was say “no”, and cry. And…I don’t know…it’s hard to see that I’m not weak.

      • http://masterjlgothos.blogspot.com/ Jean-Luc Gothos

        I agree with Rayne, You’re not weak. It’s takes strength to know when you don’t know, and then to go and get thing information so you do know. You are strong.

    • http://www.dangerouslilly.com/ Dangerous Lilly

      You are an asshole. Plain and simple. Complete lack of any compassion.

      • Lilly

        If you really believe in the Bill of Rights let me remind you of what it states about freedom of speech

        “1st amendment Prohibits the making of any law respecting an establishment of religion, impeding the free exercise of religion, abridging the freedom of speech, infringing on the freedom of the press, interfering with the right to peaceably assemble or prohibiting the petitioning for a governmental redress of grievances.”

        Also would you say the same thing to a child who was molested at a young age (If you have to read a bunch of Leftist dribble to “realize” you were raped, you weren’t raped.)-taken from above post.

  • http://www.dangerouslilly.com/ Dangerous Lilly

    I am proud of you for posting and for continuing to grow and work on things. It takes strength and determination.

  • http://www.sluttygirlproblems.com Slutty Girl Problems

    Thank you so much for sharing this! The messages we get when we are young are so influential, and can have a huge impact on our lives and sexuality. Sharing your story is empowering and personally inspiring for me. We are the voices that will make a difference for the future :) Thank you!

    • http://www.naughtyreenie.com/ Reenie

      I hope we do make a difference! It’s just really heart breaking thinking about the potential number of children still living in this kind of situation. Sometimes I just wish society moved faster.

  • Lilly

    I am so proud of you Reenie!! This post has really touched my heart and I cannot tell you all the emotions running through me right now. I just want to reach out through the vast source of the internet and give you a big hug! You are not alone, we can fight back against misconception and ignorance.

    • http://www.naughtyreenie.com/ Reenie

      I sometimes wonder how many children out there are still going through this. And even if they realize all these misconceptions, how can they fix the problem without being removed from their environment? Even now, I won’t know what to do. If I was brought back to that time, I wouldn’t know what to do…

  • Fodra Sun

    This is why education on consent and healthy relationships are so important. I had to learn everything online myself, and there’s still things I don’t know. Seriously though, I really respect you for posting this Reenie, this is really great. I hope just one person so advocates for little to no sex ed reads this and thinks about what that does to real people.

    • http://www.naughtyreenie.com/ Reenie

      I also really wish more sex ed was available to children. Consent and healthy relationships aren’t really or just not at all talked about in elementary or high school. All we really hear about is STIs and abstinence…sigh. We still have such a long way to go.

      • Fodra Sun

        Yeah, I know that another thing that needs to be done is safe sex that doesn’t focus solely on PIV sex. For one, there’s no info on oral safety, barely any on anal, and if you’re not straight a lot of the info isn’t really helpful. That’s actually a problem with online information as well.

        Not to mention masturbation. What’s safe to do and what to avoid is really important. I’ve read a lot of stories about people who used something that shouldn’t have internally and getting hurt. Another is going over differences in anatomy and what is and isn’t normal for genitals to do. I have so many ways education could be improved. That probably says a lot about the current state of sex ed.

        • http://www.naughtyreenie.com/ Reenie

          Omg yes. All I’ve ever heard about anal sex is that if I do it, I’ll need to wear diapers for the rest of my life because I won’t be able to hold in my poop anymore. Also, if it wasn’t for this community, I would have never known that what goes in the butt can’t go in the vagina right after – needs to be washed and cleaned first.

          So many lack of knowledge and so little education out there. When will human realize this?!

          • Fodra Sun

            I heard that thing about the diaper too, and myths about the vagina stretching like an elastic band does, where it eventually stops snapping back and gets loose. That tightness myth also means that I didn’t know that it was possible that the fact that I couldn’t even insert a tampon was a problem.

            I really wish that there was an actual education on anal play, since kids who are taught a lot of myths about virginity seem to decide that anal sex is okay. I’m really tired of hearing of people getting baseless toys stuck in their butts, since that’s a pretty bad thing to go through and opens people up to a lot of unnecessary shaming.

  • http://ofsexandlove.com/ Adriana

    Seriously, ignore the fuckwit who is a former fan. You are brave for speaking out, and I just wanted to say I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this. and I’m sorry to many other people, especially women, have had to go through it, too.

    It’s scary to live in a culture where we’re taught not to identify rape. Victims can’t process it and are made to feel guilty while perpetrators feel no guilt. Hell, they may not even see themselves as rapists or having done something wrong. And experiences like yours are really consequences of that.