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Fleshjack Jean-Daniel Chagall Dildo Review

Review: Fleshjack Boys Jean-Daniel Chagall Dildo

Either my hormones are acting up, or this dildo is really good, but I’ve been massively craving for the Fleshjack Jean-Daniel recently. Which is very bizarre because I would have never thought a dildo like this would make it to the top of my list.

Apart from the awkward and chunky balls that made me drop it mid-masturbation, the girth is as big as my freaking forearm, the textures are way too numerous, and the firmness is way too hard.

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bad dragon winstons tail review

Review: Bad Dragon Winstons Tail – A Personal Girth Trainer

The struggle is real. Each time the Winstons Tail is doing crazy things inside of me, all I want to do is rush to the computer and rave about how good it is as soon as I’m done. However, each time I orgasm with this thing, all I want to do is hide my head between my legs and wonder “Ugh why?! Why me?!” I seem to be cursed with this you-will-love-but-your-orgasms-will-suck spell.

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tantus charmer review

Review: Tantus Charmer

The Tantus Charmer is like the perfect date. The one that clicks with you instantaneously the moment you meet. The one that woes you with a single look. The one that respects you and you’re boundaries. In short, the perfect being you’ve only heard people talk about as they were in love.

But just like any of those way-too-perfect situations, there’s always a twist.

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vixen spur

Review: Vixen Spur

When the Vixen Spur first showed up in my office with those big watery eyes, and stood there in the middle of my desk, I freaked out. I was never a fan of skin-toned dicks, and looking at the Spur gave me chills down my spine. It looked like a small chopped off ball-less dick, and I felt a bit creeped out by it.

Of course, my feelings for the Spur have changed since then. Greatly. If I had to update my Bumbook[ref]an alternative of Facebook in Sextopia[/ref] relationship status with the Vixen Spur, it would have went from “Massively complicated” to “Massively in love”.

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exotic-erotics hippocampus small

Review: Hippocampus Small (AGAIN?!?!)

Behold my pervy non-girth loving friends! I’m bringing a rare and exciting news from Sextopia! There’s a new born baby in town!

Back in August 2013, I reviewed the Hippocampus Small. However, it was a known fact that the Hippocampus Small was way too big to be actually called small. So the wonderful folks at Exotic-Erotics started researching a way to help the Hippocampus Small breed. After months of sweating and well…attempted reproducing, the new baby is now finally born!

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Feeldoe Slim Tantus

Review: Feeldoe Slim

Holy shitty wow. I never had this much difficulty writing a review. Ever.

See, I absolutely adore the Feeldoe Slim. When I first used it, I danced around my room in Gangnam style while wiggling my dick. I checked myself out in the mirror and told myself “Damn, I have the most magnificent dick in existence; I could totally get in the Guinness Book of World Records for the most beautiful dick.” I sat butt naked for an hour stroking the Slim, admiring the glossy and shiny silicone. I then fucked myself with it and was so happy with what it could do to my g-spot that I wanted to run on a rooftop and scream “I LOVE MY FREAKING BLUE DICK”…but I can’t. I just can’t…and I HATE how I can’t.

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tiny tentacle damnaverage

REVIEW: DAMNAVERAGE TINY TENTACLE

I see. So you’re here looking for some nice tentacle sex. Well, I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’ll have to give you a turnoff. The Tiny Tentacle just doesn’t do it. Nuh-uh.

Maybe it’s because I don’t know how it’s supposed to feel like – well hey, don’t blame me. I’ve never been fucked by a tentacle – but I’m sure the sensation I’m getting from Tiny Tentacle is nowhere near pleasurable.

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