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idee du desir papillon

Review: Idee du Desir Papillon – A 5-in-1

I’m on a mission.

A mission to make the Papillon enter the league – the league of the best sex toys out there in the world, along with the Hitachi, Pure Wand, and all those majestic toys.

I thought about creating a rainbow dildo confetti explosion in your room while a Papillon popped out from your computer screen or hypnotizing you into feeling the need to grab one now to make this toy go viral – because you know, these are some easy way – but heh.

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Eroscillator 2 Plus

Review: Eroscillator 2 Plus

The Eroscillator is mind blowing. The Eroscillator is life changing. The Eroscillator is revolutionary. You need to listen to Piph’s advice and get this shit if you have a clitoris. Seriously. This is the best thing in existence, and your clitoris will forever thank you for this.

I know it might be a bit hard to swallow when I’m telling you to splurge $140 on something so… I can’t even find words to describe it. But I’ve been there. I mean…I was willing to spend $170 on this shitty toy and get myself depressed when I knew about the Eroscillator.

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picobong moka review

Review: Picobong Moka

Picobong Moka spiked my curiosity when I first saw it. My mind was immediately like: “OMG! A VIBRATING LELO ELLA?! Deal! It’s mine!” But when I noticed that it required two AAA batteries to operate, my brain shoved the Moka out of my memory, and I carried on with my life. I mean… There’s no way that a toy requiring AAA battery was going to be powerful or rumbly or even feel good, right?

But I was wrong.

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shibari halo wand

Review: Shibari Halo Wand

Three minutes.

That’s how long Shibari Halo Wand took to make me orgasm.

Three tiny little minutes.

If you’ve been sticking with me for long enough, you’d know that it takes me bazillion of years to just have one freaking orgasm. Three minutes is a world record for me.

And I’m surprised a wand was able to make me orgasm like this. I mean, my first wand, which I bought, was shitty as hell. It broke my heart, brought me to depression, and it made me lose all hope and interest for wands. That’s why I stopped them from entering Sextopia – I was just not into wands anymore.

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Feeldoe Slim Tantus

Review: Feeldoe Slim

Holy shitty wow. I never had this much difficulty writing a review. Ever.

See, I absolutely adore the Feeldoe Slim. When I first used it, I danced around my room in Gangnam style while wiggling my dick. I checked myself out in the mirror and told myself “Damn, I have the most magnificent dick in existence; I could totally get in the Guinness Book of World Records for the most beautiful dick.” I sat butt naked for an hour stroking the Slim, admiring the glossy and shiny silicone. I then fucked myself with it and was so happy with what it could do to my g-spot that I wanted to run on a rooftop and scream “I LOVE MY FREAKING BLUE DICK”…but I can’t. I just can’t…and I HATE how I can’t.

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Lelo Ora

Review: Lelo Ora

You’ll face three possible scenarios after purchasing the LELO Ora.

The first one is: you buy the Ora at $169 to find yourself with a mega expensive vibrator that’s weaker than a $60 vibrator. Then your brain will suddenly realize you just wasted a $109 that could have been spent on 9 customized Boston Pizza with changes left. You cry for an entire day, and go into depression.

The second scenario is: you buy the Ora at $169 to find yourself with only ONE setting, among nine others, that actually feels sort of like a tongue circling your clitoris. But after about a minute, you’ll start massively pressing on the “+” key…

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